Objectivity
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Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them—that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
Lao Tzu / philosopher, writer, author of the Tao Te Ching / sixth century BC
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To see things clearly in life when faced with change or adversity, it’s important that we remain objective whenever possible. That is, gauge each situation without the influence of emotions or preconception. Such an approach will also diffuse stress before it has the chance to build. Jianzhi Sengcan, the third Chinese patriarch of Chán, said, “The Perfect Way is only difficult for those who pick and choose; do not like, do not dislike: All will then be clear.” There are three techniques that can help you remain objective—tolerance, acceptance, and detachment—and each can be considered a powerful ability in its own right. Focusing on any one of these in a difficult situation will often allow you to gain control of your thoughts and emotions. When you combine them in any given moment, they have the potential to make you impervious to fear. Imagine the freedom and power that could come from immediately releasing fear as it arises. This is typically a lifelong pursuit for each of us, as fear constantly shows itself in a variety of forms, but we can become more adept at it through practice.
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Tolerance
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Tolerance or allowance is the ability to let things happen. For example, we can allow others the freedom to be themselves; this includes the right to express themselves, choose their own course, make their own mistakes, learn in their own ways, and evolve at their own pace. In the same respect, you can permit things and events to unfold in a natural manner, assuming there’s no immediate danger. If harm or injury will result, then it may be necessary to intervene, but short of that, allowance can improve such skills as observation and analysis, which in turn can enhance your decision making and foresight. In addition, you can avoid confrontation and struggles that might otherwise arise and also prevent the disappointment and suffering that comes from wanting things to be something other than they are. Depending on the situation, you may even gain the respect of others. Such appreciation can pay dividends down the road as well, given the universal laws of energy and attraction. Finally, remember that change is a constant in life. As Publius Ovidius Naso, the Roman poet better known as Ovid, so eloquently stated, “All things change, nothing is extinguished. There is nothing in the whole world which is permanent. Everything flows onward; all things are brought into being with a changing nature; the ages themselves glide by in constant movement.” If we allow change to unfold without resistance whenever possible, then we will typically have an easier journey.
Acceptance
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Acceptance is often defined as receiving something offered or agreeing to undertake a position or responsibility. We can use this ability to accept life as it is, including others around us and the world in which we exist, in order to alleviate fear and negativity, such as guilt and animosity, among other things. Similar to the principle of tolerance, this doesn’t mean ignoring danger or injustice; rather, it involves acknowledging people or things for who or what they are and accepting them accordingly. This is another way to eliminate the suffering that stems from wanting things to be something other than what they are. Another important facet of acceptance is the abstinence of judgment. If we refrain from labeling people, things, or events, then we can see more clearly and once again be open to opportunity that may otherwise pass by unnoticed. In the same respect, if we value diversity, then life will be more interesting and inevitability more fulfilling. Finally, it’s important to note that acceptance fosters other noble traits, such as compassion, tolerance, and detachment, all of which can empower you even more. To gain a sense of control when confronted with feelings of insecurity or thoughts of negativity, one can exercise nonjudgmental acceptance. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, then it can be beneficial to think that nothing is good or bad, just interesting. This concept was distinctly presented through the renowned Taoist story of events affecting a simple farmer:
There once was a farmer who lived in the country with his son. One day, their only horse broke loose and ran off.
“What bad luck!” his neighbors said. “You lost your only horse, and now you have no way to plow your fields.”
“Who knows whether it is bad luck or good luck?” the farmer replied.
A few days later, the horse returned, leading a wild mare into the stable.
“What good luck!” the neighbors said. “You acquired another strong horse to help plow your fields, breed, or even sell for a profit.”
“Who knows whether it is good or bad?” said the farmer.
A short time later, the farmer’s son attempted to tame the wild horse. He was thrown to the ground, and he suffered a broken leg.
“How terrible,” the neighbors stated. “Such bad luck.”
“Bad luck, good luck, who knows?” answered the farmer.
The following week, a neighboring country invaded, and military recruiters came to take the young men in the region off to war. Because the farmer’s son was injured, he was allowed to remain behind.
“What good fortune,” the neighbors said.
“Good, bad, who knows?” the farmer replied.
As you can see, what may seem good at first might turn out to be undesirable and what appears to be bad initially may actually have significant value. By accepting things as they are and refraining from judgment, we can conserve energy, be happy, and find value in each event. That in turn will allow us to do away with anguish and even benefit from most situations.
Detachment
Detachment is the process of separating or disconnecting from a person, place, or thing, and that thing could be a material object or even a belief, thought, or emotion. The opposite is attachment or the inability to let go, which is actually a common source of suffering that can be avoided. It’s important to remember that suffering often stems from our own desires, and if we let go of such thoughts, then we can simply move beyond the misery involved. Recalling Thoreau’s statement of “He who owns little is little owned” is a great way to conceptualize this principle. If you give things away, then that will certainly help you to disengage. With that said, however, you can still choose to retain things in life without burden or fear if you practice detachment. It’s a matter of releasing certain ties mentally and emotionally so that you’re not devastated if something unfortunate were to happen to that which you have. A useful phrase that can remind of us of this principle is no mind, no problem. It may help to recite that the next time you find yourself suffering a loss.
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Detachment can also serve as a reminder to appreciate what you have. Given that things in life are transient, everything you have or acquire will be gone someday. This is not to say that you shouldn’t value the good things in your life. On the contrary, because you will lose it all at some point, it would be wise to treasure what you have while you can. This should include everything from your current levels of health, wealth, or happiness to your ability to experience life, spending time with people you care about, and your interactions with the material world. The key is to appreciate all that you have without getting too attached such that you can let go with minimal suffering when loss occurs. Remember that loss is inevitable, and the pain associated with such loss is a natural part of life; however, the prolonged suffering that often follows the initial pain can be avoided through the practice of detachment. To prevent suffering, you must make a conscious choice not to suffer. When you experience loss, it’s best to thoroughly express your emotions in whatever way seems appropriate, but afterward, don’t dwell on negativity. Instead, accept the situation, release attachments, and choose to move on. This will foster good health and allow you to recover more quickly.
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Another way to interpret detachment is through the perspective of letting go. It is helpful to adopt this view not only when you lose something but also when you are confronted with a difficult situation. In such instances, don’t struggle; rather, relax, let go of any negativity or resistance, and allow life to unfold. You might find it helpful to visualize yourself releasing that to which you’re attached. When you let go, you will then be in a better position to identify the solution to the problem, the lesson to be learned, or the value that exists in a given situation. It will also allow you to make a smoother transition to whatever lies ahead. Granted, this is easier said than done; however, the more you practice the principle of detachment, the easier life will become.
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