Unselfishness
​
How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
George Washington Carver / scientist, botanist, educator, inventor / 1864–1943
​
Tenderness
The essence of tenderness is consideration for others or even yourself. Life is difficult, and at times, we all need some attention and support. By tending to your needs and the needs of others, you can improve the way you feel in the moment, build your self-image, and strengthen your character. There are countless ways to express tenderness, but the key is to be aware of what transpires, remain sensitive to how that influences you and others, and then act accordingly. You can strive to help others whenever an opportunity presents itself, which is beneficial in multiple ways considering that which you put out eventually reflects back on you. In addition, being sensitive to your own needs will empower you, and when you come from a position of strength, you can more effectively help others. The principles of empathy, kindness, and compassion all contribute to tenderness, and each will be discussed in more detail. Practice each regularly, and all involved will reap the rewards. In particular, two key aspects of tenderness include forgiveness and giving. Exercising these abilities will expand your awareness and also make life more fulfilling.
​
As previously mentioned, we each have specific traits, past experiences, and various circumstances in our lives that cause us to view the world through filters. What may seem like a blessing for one individual might be considered a detriment by another. A snowstorm, for example, could be considered a burden to someone with a long commute, whereas it might be exactly what a skier had been awaiting. Similarly, a statement uttered by someone in the public eye could be interpreted numerous ways depending on people’s filters. When you’re in conflict with others, it can help to identify the filters in use by everyone, including yourself. This provides a certain perspective that can make it easier to contend with the conflict before you. In the same regard, it’s important to note that people’s behaviors stem from their perceptions, and with that mind, you will realize that nothing is personal. If someone attacks you physically or verbally, for example, then they are doing so out of fear or ignorance. This does not mean you should stand by and suffer an injustice; you need to determine an appropriate response based on the situation. In any case, such thinking will allow you to understand why people act in certain ways and also give you the ability to forgive them. Don’t hold a grudge because that’s negative energy you store within, and it will adversely affect you over time. Instead, strive to understand and forgive. Again, that doesn’t necessarily mean you let someone off the hook for wrongdoing. You can forgive yet still hold people responsible for their actions. First let go of any anxiety, rise above the pettiness to see things clearly, and then decide what’s best for all involved.
​
Because like attracts like at the emotional level, it stands to reason that giving will benefit one in many ways. We naturally feel better about ourselves when we give to others, but we need to ensure that it comes from the heart. That means we need to give unconditionally as opposed to expecting things in return. Such magnanimous behavior will naturally elevate our vibration and draw positive things into our lives, but it’s important to focus on others when giving. A sense of selfishness will often defeat the purpose. Children frequently remind us that joy comes not only from doing what you love but also from sharing experiences with others. Great joy and fulfillment can be attained through the practice of giving. You can give to others in the form of money and gifts or time and effort. You can also pursue more subtle opportunities for giving that are available each day, such as kind words, a compliment, a smile, positive thoughts, or simple understanding and acceptance. Giving is an important principle found at the core of various religions, and it’s often described as an integral part of the purpose for being. If you give of yourself often and unconditionally, then you will naturally find life more fulfilling.
Loving-Kindness
As human beings, we each have a tremendous capacity for loving-kindness, and it’s one of the greatest virtues that a person can exhibit. A small act of kindness can have a powerful effect on the welfare of others, and often it produces a ripple effect that positively influences others in addition to having a significant effect on your own well-being. Kindness creates a deep sense of fulfillment and serves as an instrumental building block in the chemistry of happiness. Needless to say, it also makes the world a better place for all involved, so practice random acts of kindness on a regular basis to improve the quality of your life and the lives of others. Albert Schweitzer eloquently captured both the power and the benefits of loving-kindness when he stated, “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
​
Clearly, we each must tend to our own personal needs in order to survive; however, that task can be accomplished without sacrificing kindness. A selfless attitude will allow us to grow as individuals while providing love and support for those around us. Martin Luther King Jr. told us, “Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” Each day, the small choices you make will define you as an individual and help chart the future course of your life. In the big scheme of things, there really are no wrong choices in life, as every experience is a learning opportunity; however, some paths are much easier and more fulfilling than others. When faced with the numerous choices of how to act or respond each day, be kind, and strive to choose selflessness and compassion over fear and negativity. Also, view the world through a filter of understanding as opposed to one based on judgment. With such practice, you will see your quality of life improve dramatically over time. Kindness should ideally be unconditional; regardless, such behavior will inevitably provide you with greater opportunity and rewards.
Compassion
Simply put, compassion is sympathy for another’s distress and the desire to help alleviate it. The Dalai Lama stated that “you must not hate those who do wrong or harmful things; but with compassion, you must do what you can to stop them—for they are harming themselves, as well as those who suffer from their actions.” Each individual is born without fear or hate, so if someone is acting in a negative manner, then that was brought about by serious hardship, lack of knowledge, disability, or some other challenge that individual had to endure and perhaps still endures. Given the resulting fear, it’s clear that it remains an issue. Rather than react to such adversity in a negative manner, choose to practice compassionate understanding, rise above the illusions of fear, and then act in a positive or constructive manner. This will allow you to remain focused, and often, your behavior will assist others in overcoming their fears.
​
The Dalai Lama also said, “All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness…the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.” Such practices are essential for humanity to thrive, and on an individual basis, one cannot attain true happiness or peace of mind without them. We are social creatures, and the greatest gifts we can give one another are love and compassion. Realize that people make mistakes. Instead of judging them, strive to understand why they act in such a manner. That understanding will allow you to choose forgiveness as an alternative, which in turn will often have positive results. For example, forgiving another can make you feel better about yourself, boost your immune system, increase your level of confidence, and even cause others to think more highly of you. Other skills you possess that can aid with this practice include tolerance, acceptance, and detachment. When you take the time to combine these skills, you become even more powerful and have a greater influence on the world around you.
​